What Really Matters
Reflecting on life, death, and shifting priorities after the passing of my brother-in-law.
“There is a road, no simple highway.
Between the dawn and the dark of night.
And if you go, no one may follow.
That path is for your steps alone.”
- Robert Hunter, written for the song, Ripple, by the Grateful Dead
Last Monday, August 5th, was the first Monday in 4 years that I was initially planning on sending a newsletter and didn't.
Here's why...
I woke up on Thursday, August 1st ready for a jam-packed workday. Meetings till 2pm, and then three big to-do's that I was committed to crushing. I set myself up for a focused, productive day, and it was off to a great start.
When my last meeting ended, I saw a text from my father-in-law:
"Please call me asap."
I thought he needed help with something computer related. But as I went to walk outside and give him a call, I heard Alexis in the living room - she received a text from another relative that made her nervous. So we called her dad together.
Then we received the worst news imaginable. Alexis' brother, Aaron, had passed away. He was 54. It was a complete shock.
Alexis and I held each other and cried. The next few hours were a blur. But one thing was clear:
That to-do list that felt so important and urgent in one moment, all of a sudden didn't matter at all.
The 11 days since then have been focused on what matters right now - family.
And yes, after cancelling Fridays With Third Nature on August 2nd, we got back to it on August 9th. And today I'm back to writing the newsletter. I'm still running the Leaders In Training program at Experience Camps next week, and Third Nature Summer Camp is in 18 days.
Work still matters to me, and in many ways, these last 11 days have given me a deeper understanding of the importance of both Experience Camps and Third Nature.
But showing up for those closest to me comes first.
What matters most will evolve over time.
Some things that really mattered to me when I was 25, don't matter to me at all now that I'm 35.
Some things that really mattered to me 2 weeks ago, don't matter quite as much today.
And some things that didn't matter to me until recently, matter a whole lot now.
Coming face-to-face with death always has a way of putting things in perspective.
Third Nature Summer Camp
On our pre-camp questionnaire, we offer participants the question:
What have you come to value more as you've gotten older?
Here are some of the responses that speak to what matters to the people coming to Third Nature Summer Camp:
"Slowing down and spending time with people; simply enjoying conversation and good company."
"Work/Life balance and what i spend my time on."
"Intentional time with family and friends!"
"Getting out of the city and spending time in nature. Feeling grounded."
"Connections with people. Both deep/rich in the moment and ideally with continuity over decades."
"Quality time spent with those around me. With family, friends, loved ones, or even strangers, each interaction, each shared moment, feels more precious. It’s not just about the laughter and joy, but also about understanding and connection. I've also learned to cherish the quiet moments alone, which give me space to reflect and grow."
"Time. It’s precious and goes by so fast, learning to be intentional with my time and maximize what I can get done has been essential."
"The importance of stretching lol. Also friends, family, and community!"
Fridays With Third Nature
Friday, August 16th | The Healing Power of Music
My brother-in-law loved live music. Since his passing, we've all been using music to help us process, make meaning, and heal. Thus the inspiration for this week's session.
This Friday, we'll play a few songs, and invite you to really listen. After each song, we'll discuss:
What came up for you as you listened to the words?
What did you feel as you let your body respond to the melody?
What do you feel now that you didn't feel before listening?
If you'd like to suggest a song to be played during this special edition of Fridays With Third Nature, please let me know! I'd love to crowdsource our soundtrack.
We'll be off the following two Fridays - no sessions August 23rd (I’ll be at Experience Camps) or 30th (we’ll be at Third Nature Summer Camp).
We'd love to see you for our last session before camp!
Loved That
Welcome to the 3rd edition of "LOVED THAT."
If you missed the last two newsletters - this is the new, more freeing version of "Favorite Things Of The Week."
Below are some of the things that made me say (out loud or in my head), an enthusiastic, LOVE THAT, since my brother-in-law Aaron's passing 12 days ago:
The outpouring of love, support, and forgiveness throughout the extended family (blood and chosen). The 350+ comments on Aaron's Facebook wall. Kids ages 16-20 showing up for each other. My father-in-law’s sister who he hasn’t spoken to in 15 years showing up to the funeral and shiva, giving him a stone of forgiveness and apologizing for everything. Heart-to-heart conversations with both close and distant relatives.
The funeral service being a long jam of The Lord Is My Shepherd > Box of Rain > Three Little Birds. If you'd like to watch it, you can find the recording here.
Going to Woodman’s, Aaron’s favorite restaurant in the area, for fried clams and lobster rolls with Aaron’s 20-year old son Dylan and his girlfriend Amanda. Telling stories, laughing, and crying over our delicious dinner.
The healing power of dogs, babies, music, and nature.
On a lighter note: breakdancing at the Olympics. I caught some women's breakdancing highlights Saturday night and WOW. I especially loved seeing how the competitors cheer each other on, don't take themselves too seriously, and seem to be having so much fun during what may be the most consequential moments of their lives. I thought Nicka should've taken home the women's gold and an applause-o-meter would've been a cool way to decide it, but what do I know? Congrats to B-Girl Ami. The men's gold medal battle was fun to watch too.
Thanks for tuning in. I'll always keep it real with you, and hope that by sharing openly and honestly, you can find ways to relate.
Especially when dealing with death - maybe the only thing that every human who has ever lived will without a doubt experience. Which can also make it something that binds us in our shared humanity.
I'd love to hear from you - what did you love this past week?
Feel free to reply with any thoughts, feelings, questions, or ideas that came up for you as you were reading.
Wishing you a great week ahead!
With gratitude,
Brian & The TN Team