Endings and Beginnings

Getting ready to be a dad, the last Friday with Third Nature, and the Savannah Bananas.

This will likely be the last newsletter I send before becoming a dad.

Alexis and I are expecting our first child sometime in the next couple of weeks.

Are we ready? I think as ready as we can be as first time parents living in a modern society.

One of the questions I’ve received most often from peers over these last few months is:

“What are you doing for paternity leave?”

Which is a valid question. Entrepreneurs and small business owners like me don’t receive paid parental leave - we have to figure out how to give it to ourselves.

And while a lot of me “getting ready” over the last few months has meant figuring out how to give myself some time off after our first child is born…

The imminent arrival of my son has also been a powerful forcing function for me to zoom out and reexamine my priorities and values around work itself.

Before having a baby on the way, I was content with the number of hours per week I was working and the money I was making.

I love what I do. More often than not, my work is energizing. I get to be myself, connect with awesome people, feel competent, and see the impact I’m making.

That’s why I never minded working late or on weekends, and took pride in my ability to put in an 80-hour week when I needed to.

But since Alexis got pregnant, all that has changed.

Yes, I still love my work. But soon, it will no longer be my most important job.

For me, that’s being a dad.

So yes - a lot of the last few months has been getting Third Nature, and the different teams I’m a part of, ready for me to take a little paternity leave.

But more than that - it’s been about shifting my relationship with work, and freeing up time to excel in my new role as a present father, for the rest of my life.

In other words - it’s been about figuring out how to continue doing good work, while working less hours, and making more money.

I hear raising kids in this modern society is quite expensive.

This has looked like creating better systems, delegating more, and eliminating certain time consuming tasks from my plate - as I mentioned at the bottom of the newsletter on March 17th, reconsidering Pareto’s Principle to focus on the 20% of inputs that drive 80% of results.

As the due date approaches, I’ve noticed myself feeling more pressure to get everything done before the baby is born. For those shifts to cement, to see more money coming in, and know I’ll never work another 70 or 80 hour week again.

Spoiler alert - that is not the case. All of this is still a work in progress.

What’s helped has been talking to other parents - especially other dads who run their own businesses. Seeing through their experience that yes, a lot is about to change. Priorities and values will shift. You take on a new identity.

But you’ll still be you.

I’ll still be me.

Alexis saw our friend Rachel create one of these, and she made one for me. I have been working out a lot lately, but this feels too flattering.

I’ll still have all the same lived experience, strengths, and resources I had before becoming a dad and lots of newfound perspective.

Maybe after becoming a dad is when I’ll form a healthier relationship with work.

Maybe after becoming a dad is when I’ll really be able to focus on what matters most - within and outside my business.

Maybe after becoming a dad is when I’ll finally be able to loosen my grip on my business enough for it to really flourish.

Don’t most people peak in their careers after becoming parents?

But then again - what do I know? Talk to me in 6 months.

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Speaking of which…

It is with a full heart that I share:

The Last Friday With Third Nature

Friday, April 18th from 12-1pm ET | Farewell Fiesta!

We’ve been hosting Fridays With Third Nature (formerly known as Conscious Conversations) almost every week for over 5 years.

For those keeping score at home, this Friday will be session number 227.

And I know what you’re thinking - no one’s keeping score at home.

But when we started offering Conscious Conversations, during the first few months of COVID, people would literally tell me:

“I keep track of how many weeks into the pandemic we are, by which number Conscious Convo it is.”

As Friday regular, Traca, said last week:

“You started this based on a set of needs and time where we are all in crisis. It was a great lifeline.

Now?”

Over the last year, I’ve tried reinventing what this weekly community event looks and feels like. We’ve experimented with different formats and more guest facilitators (THANK YOU ALL!). Through it all, we’ve continued to attract kind, curious, thoughtful, caring, and empathetic people from all over the world.

I’ve learned and grown so much from being part of these weekly virtual experiences myself.

Now, after 5 years, I’m ready to let it go. To step away for more than just a holiday break, to see what emerges in its absence.

As we always say at the end of Third Nature (and formerly Startup Island) retreats:

It’s not goodbye, it’s see you later.

And yes - before we say “See you later,” you know we need to throw a party.

We call it the Farewell Fiesta.

If you'd like to join us, we'd love to see you this Friday, April 18th from 12pm-1pm ET.

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One thing that’s not going anywhere…

Third Nature Summer Camp

This will be my 10th summer leading adult summer camps.

And every year truly feels more connected, more fun, and more alive than the last.

If I had to remove everything from my work plate except for one thing - this would be the thing I keep doing.

For more about why I love this weekend so much, check out our latest video:

Third Nature Summer Camp - What It’s All About

If you'd like to join us for a weekend of deep connection, childlike play, and time immersed in nature, we'd love to see you at Third Nature Summer Camp, August 29 - September 1.

Who it’s for, what to expect, workshops, and more can be found on our website below.

Spots may fill up by the time I send my next newsletter, so if you’re interested, now is a great time to apply!

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Loved That

I enjoy sharing some of the things that make me say (out loud or in my head), an enthusiastic, LOVE THAT, every week that I send this newsletter.

But there's another reason I do this: I believe "LOVED THAT" is a habit worth spreading. Taking the time to reflect on your week, savoring all the things you loved, is another form of gratitude practice that enhances happiness, fulfillment, optimism, and memory.

Do try this at home!

Anyway, here's mine from these last two weeks:

1. The awesome group of people who showed up for the CreativeMornings Field Trip I led on April 2nd called “Trying On Possible Futures For Non-Traditional Pathfinders.” I especially loved witnessing how excited participants were after role playing as their 2030 selves, and reading all the dreams and action steps shared in the chat. You can read some of them + how I think about what it means to be on a non-traditional path here.

2. Hangin at The Commissioner (my go-to neighborhood bar) with my father-in-law, who was the oldest person there by at least 30 years. I’m grateful my wife’s dad has such a young-at-heart personality, and for all that we’re able to share with each other - including a fat joint outside the bar.

3. Two back-to-back dinners at Konoha Yakitori, which is becoming another one of my go-to neighborhood spots. I went with my mom last Tuesday, and went back with my friend Justin on Wednesday. Konoha’s menu, where you’ll find delicious sushi, yakitori, and maybe the best ramen in Brooklyn, makes it so you could dine here every night of the week and always try something new.

4. The heartwarming 60 Minutes segment last night on Banana Ball. I had heard of the Savannah Bananas and seen videos of them on social media, but I LOVED getting to know their owner and “ringmaster,” Jesse Cole, who epitomizes what it means to be a visionary entrepreneur and intentional experience designer who isn’t afraid to stand out and go against the norm. This 13 minute video was a great reminder that when everyone is having fun, everyone (literally) wins.

5. Cinnamon Life cereal with Elmhurst milked walnuts - trust me.

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This was the fourth official Third Nature newsletter sent through Substack.

You can browse the archive of old but evergreen posts here. I’ve only uploaded the old newsletters that I believe have withstood the test of time.

As always, feel free to reply with any thoughts that came up as you were reading - or things you experienced that you LOVED these past two weeks.

As I mentioned at the top, I’ll be taking some time off after our baby is born - but may schedule a couple of newsletters to go out during my leave. We’ll see.

Either way, stay tuned for lots more from me and Third Nature in the coming months.

Wishing you a great week ahead!

With gratitude,

Brian & The TN Team